It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
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