I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
So many bounce houses so little time
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
