I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
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