Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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