That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
