I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
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if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
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Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
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