I heard we made out
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Randomize
