WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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