dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
