Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
