I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
