So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
