Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
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