I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
