love how google fills in search terms for you, today for example, i ran a query for "why do girls get t"
and google finished it w/ "ramp stamps."
I felt less weird knowing others had searched this before me.
i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
