Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
