He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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