I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
We named our party play list daddy issues
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
50% drunk capacity currently
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
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