My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize