Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
