The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
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he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
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I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
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