Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
