Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
So much rum. So many feels.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize
