she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Randomize
