Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
