so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
