I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
Randomize
