I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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