There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Randomize
