What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Randomize
