These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
