apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
I want to walk on stilts...naked
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Randomize
