Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
