you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
