even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
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