Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
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