Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
