My Higher Power is John Stamos
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
i think i have two assholes
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Randomize
