forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Randomize
