last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
