Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
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i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
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Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
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