I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
