you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
