"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Randomize
