I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
