I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize