I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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