yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
