how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Randomize
