I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
