Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
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