i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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