he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
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at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
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Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
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