a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Randomize
