There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
accomplished twins. life is a go
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
