Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
the day after is always just damage control
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
I just want nice things and good sex
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
Randomize
