shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
