I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Randomize
