Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
