We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
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