we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Randomize
