I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
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