I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
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as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
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He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
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