I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
not ubering you a puppy
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
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