when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
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