I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
