I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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