Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
