Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
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