Just took my morning after pill in the library
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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