You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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