well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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