So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Randomize
