i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
