I'm really into asian looking animals
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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