one might say we're banned from that church
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Randomize
