He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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