we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
I will die if light touches me.
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
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