Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
