did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
The feeling are messing with the penis
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
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